im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
