I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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