I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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