No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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