in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
