genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what day is it and did you see me today?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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