i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
