well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
why is half of my head shaved?
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