Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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