Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
