HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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