It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have fence marks all over my body
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
