Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
