He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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