Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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