I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
