"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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