ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
