Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
