And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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