mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
