Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
