I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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