Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
