At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
