Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
