Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
