I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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