when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
