You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
