There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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