So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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