I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
