just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
