Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
time to smoke my breakfast
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you never un-have a 4some
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
