Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your cock deserves a montage
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
