It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
