You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
