I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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