we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
