I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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