Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
