i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
