just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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