Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
