we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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