I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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