i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
