He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
