Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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