so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
