Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"