i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
only you would photoshop your dick
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.