He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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