Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.

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  (205): Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/4ixk
  Replies (16) Good night (656) Bad night (1489)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

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  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (22536) Bad night (1683)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking

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  (512): I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking http://tfl.nu/def8
  Replies (14) Good night (996) Bad night (3748)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.

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  (408): Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis. http://tfl.nu/4cqk
  Replies (22) Good night (1460) Bad night (4332)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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  (626): I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text" http://tfl.nu/ij6d
  Replies (9) Good night (1685) Bad night (4538)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on

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  (281): I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on http://tfl.nu/3rfp
  Replies (13) Good night (4458) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

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  (412): in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila? http://tfl.nu/e4mt
  Replies (7) Good night (3428) Bad night (886)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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  (803): I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/6l9f
  Replies (4) Good night (2314) Bad night (660)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

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  (303): I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B http://tfl.nu/0558
  Replies (11) Good night (3454) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.

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  (304): Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd. http://tfl.nu/1o4y
  Replies (19) Good night (2675) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts

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  (704): Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts http://tfl.nu/1f7h
  Replies (7) Good night (569) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Regret, thy taste is box wine.

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  (317): Regret, thy taste is box wine. http://tfl.nu/587h
  Replies (1) Good night (600) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.

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  (609): Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles. http://tfl.nu/ptzf
  Replies (4) Good night (393) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.

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  (360): Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that. http://tfl.nu/0kao
  Replies (0) Good night (801) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.

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  (479): I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself. http://tfl.nu/jsbo
  Replies (1) Good night (459) Bad night (240)

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