My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.