So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
