i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so let's talk penis.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
