If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My liver just had a heart attack.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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