I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
