as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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