we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
