Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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