he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
