sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
