am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
