Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
