I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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