You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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