I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
