i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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