i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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