I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
