I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
