It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
