but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
