you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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