i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
