Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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