You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
