There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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