I want to have your abortion
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
